The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 5.16.12

May 16th, 2012 // 290 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where we embrace Hump Day as hard as these two probably did seconds after this picture was taken. To be clear, the implication is that they had gay sex. Anyway we’ve also got Suzanne Somers still selling Thighmasters, Chloe Sevigny working her corner and willing to cut a bitch for stealing her john, and Katherine Heigl out enjoying beautiful Los Angeles with her usual pleasant demeanor.

Bill Murray is and always will be the shit,

- Photo Boy

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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Courtney Stodden’s Bo Derek Bikini Photos

May 16th, 2012 // 71 Comments
Previously On Courtney
Courtney Stodden Lingerie Mom Baking
Lingerie Baking With Mom! Read More »

Like clockwork, here’s Courtney Stodden doing her best Bo Derek impression, and honestly, these are probably the best-looking shots of her since that set from before she discovered make-up, clear heels and sugar-daddying her way onto reality television. On that note, you really can’t help but marvel at America’s incredible capacity for making women think if they act like super-whores they’ll make it as an actress. Seriously, whoever came up with that was ahead of their time. I probably would’ve just made them eat mud pies or fetch a ball out of old man Jenkins’ yard. Place gives me the willies.

Photos: Jeff Rayner/Coleman-Rayner

There’s Probably A Kourtney Kardashian Sex Tape

May 16th, 2012 // 24 Comments
Definitely Didn't Make One
Kristin Cavallari Bikini
Kristin Cavallari Denies Sleeping With Scott Disick Read More »

Dear God, please be recent…

Apparently before he started dating Kourtney Kardashian, Patrick Bateman’s little brother Scott Disick and his buddies used to get chicks high and/or drunk off their ass, then film each other having sex with them for sport and/or to look at each others wieners. It’s a story rife with subtext. Life & Style reports:

Flashing strangers, skinny-dipping in pools, getting intimate with blondes in hot tubs and even engaging in orgies with his buddies, Scott was known as the exhibitionist of the rowdy posse. “We’d bring back different groups of girls to one of our houses and do various things to them,” admits Donald, who alleges that while protection wasn’t always used, alcohol and marijuana sometimes were — and could have clouded the judgment of the females on the tapes.
“We tried to make it a daily routine, and some nights would be taped. There’s probably a good eight or nine tapes.”
“We thought, If we start videotaping ourselves, maybe one day we can make a TV show out of it,” he tells Life & Style. “Now Scott’s on a reality show. He was always trying to make it to the top. “

KRIS: Hi, Kris Jenner. Nice to meet you.
SCOTT: Scott Disick. The pleasure’s mine.
KRIS: Scott, I’ll cut to the chase. I hear you like to make sex tapes.
SCOTT: I do.
KRIS: How’d you like to come over for dinner and meet my daughter?
SCOTT: That’d be great, Mrs. Jenner, except you’re already on top of my penis making me ejaculate into you without a condom on.
KRIS: Oh, please, don’t worry about that. I’ll just tell my husband the baby his. So dinner at 6?

And that’s the story of how Kylie was born. The End.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News, WENN

Elisabetta Canalis In A Bikini Will Kick Off Cannes

May 16th, 2012 // 23 Comments
Dumped By Steve-O?
Steve-O Elisabetta Canalis
I Don't Even Know Anymore Read More »

Here’s Elisabetta Canalis and Sacha Baron Cohen on a yacht in Cannes this morning to promote The Dictator and the funniest part is that one of the agencies actually listed Elisabetta as “supermodel Elisabetta Canalis.” Which is an amazing distinction for someone whose claim to fame is getting tossed off of George Clooney‘s penis for saying the “M” word, only to land on Steve-O‘s, who also tossed her off because she won’t stop doing coke. By that definition, Lindsay Lohan is practically Heidi Klum.

Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Has Anyone Seen Nick Stahl?

May 16th, 2012 // 47 Comments

The last time Nick Stahl was in the news, he was arrested in March for not being able to pay a cabbie $84 – despite making $500,000 last year – and now comes word that he’s missing after spending a lot of time down on Skid Row. So basically the perfect recipe for a happy ending. TMZ reports:

Law enforcement officials confirm … Stahl’s wife filed a missing person’s report with the L.A.P.D. on Monday … saying she last saw the 32-year-old actor on May 9.
Sources tell TMZ … it is believed Stahl had been frequenting the Skid Row area of Downtown Los Angeles recently … and there are concerns he may have gotten himself involved in some bad stuff.

TMZ also points out that back in February, Nick’s wife had filed papers to prevent him from visiting their daughter unless he passed a drug test, so this story gets even more depressing because there’s an innocent little girl involved. Fortunately, Hayden Panettiere brought her midget cleavage to the ABC Upfronts last night which should cheer everybody up. Haha! They’re so tiny, but still boobs. Wheeeee!

Photos: Getty

Miley Cyrus Takin’ Them Dang Ol’ Puppies Fer A Walk

May 16th, 2012 // 25 Comments

Here’s a braless Miley Cyrus taking her new puppy for a walk in Miami yesterday while politely bending over for her fans and letting them look right down her shirt which is apparently every young girl with weight issues‘ dream come true. Here I just assumed it was dry-humping Robert Pattinson at a Cold Stone, so now I know Jennifer Love Hewitt is the exception not the rule. Lesson learned.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

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